So, yesterday was a hard day. Not where the people in it were hard, but my heart was low and unfocused.
I got up, woke everyone up, made breakfast, got them out the door as my husband helped my Mom get into the car, and we headed to a friend’s house (from 6:45-7:20 am).
We stopped at that friend’s house and I dropped off all four of my kids by 7:40 am to take my Mom to a follow-up appointment for her surgery. I prayed she wouldn’t get hurt. I told her not to put pressure on her foot. I don’t know if she really wanted to hear me. 🙂
It went quick and we did one more errand before we headed to pick up the kids (at 12:30), stopped at the pharmacy, and got home. My husband, bless his heart, stopped at home from work and helped my Mom back into the house (it went so much smoother than when she first had the surgery!).
I have no clue what I actually accomplished the rest of the day to tell you the truth. I know I cleaned. I think I posted a blog, possibly. I was so out of it, though, that it was hard to focus.
By 5:15 I found out that my workout class thing was still on when I thought it was canceled. I made tarts with Artsie and Pudding. When my husband got home, I ran out. Before I could totally escape (not that I fully know if I wanted to go this time because I was feeling so off) my husband was upset that scissors were left out that were his and that Pudding had them (though he was giving them to me). It was my fault. I used them to trim hair on my two youngest. (Oh yeah, I did that yesterday, too!)
Anxiety, change of schedule and not time with God lead to a very crazy person. I did the workout but half-heartedly. I mean, I did it but I think I did not try half as hard as usual. I did not chat with the other women half as much as normal. All I could think about was I needed to spend time with God, especially before I headed home, and that this workout did not fill anything in my heart. I needed Him.
So, when it was over and I said goodbye, I got in my car and prayed.
I want direction. I feel like I have been in a whirlwind, unfocused and unable to do what I need to. What was that again? I had lost it.
What did you want me to do again, God?
And then a paper fell out of questions I had started to ask myself earlier that day or the night before and hadn’t really a clue how to answer them.
10 years from now…
- What would you want to accomplish?
- What values and qualities do you want to embrace?
- What daily routines do you want to be a part of your life?
On the top of my page I had written:
In 10 years from now:
- I would be 42.
- My husband would be 41.
- Engineer would be 20.
- Artsie would be18.
- Monkey would be 16.
- Pudding would be 12 1/2.
I circled “I would be 42” and made an arrow to the side.
I would want:
- A heart for God.
- A heart of wisdom.
- To be Trustworthy.
- To be Faithful.
- To be a Prayer Warrior.
- To be Truthful.
- To Be an Encourager.
- To Be Humble.
What I would want for my Kids:
- To have direction.
- To be able to submit their hearts to Christ.
- To draw their strength from Him.
- To be close to their family (meaning family relationships).
- To not be afraid to do what is right.
- To love others with a Christ-like love.
I prayed over these things and added more to my seemingly strange answers before I was immersed in God’s presence, and also changed my answers to the next question.
I would want to accomplish:
- Loving my family abundantly.
- Organizing my life to glorify God.
- Whatever God has for me to do at 42.
- Health in mind, body and spirit.
What values and qualities would I want to embrace?
- Hearts for Christ.
- Love for family.
- The desire to follow God wherever He leads.
- To serve.
(Pretty much the gifts of the Spirit)
What daily rituals do you want to be a part of your life?
- Time with God.
- Time with husband.
- Time with Engineer.
- Time with Artsie.
- Time with Monkey.
- Time with Pudding.
- Time together.
- Time to do ministry.
What will matter in five years from now- ten years from now?
Our hearts. Our family. Those lives that we touch. Having a healthy marriage.
What do we want to achieve as a family?
Unity, hearts centered on Christ, love, forgiveness, kindness, daily times of sharing and the ability to impact our world for good.
(When I first answered this question, I knew that I need to eventually talk to my husband about his answer. I have tried before and had not gotten much, but I hope he has thought about it since I asked.)
What will mold our children into God-serving adults?
Watching us be God-serving adults.
What will bring peace – not stress- into our home?
Hearts that follow Christ. Unity. Prayer. Love. Encouragement. Realistic Standards.
After spending my time answering these questions, I asked God for verses.
What would he want me to focus on? What direction am I suppose to go from here?
And he lead me to Ephesians 5:22-Ephesians 6:4.
Honestly, I may have read these verses tons of times, but I think I have never felt God’s Spirit in the same capacity. It made me smile because I knew what direction He is going to take me and for the first time I felt ready for it. I am more open then ever before to figure out what it means to be a family and what each person’s role is. 🙂
On the next couple of Fridays, I will try to share my discoveries as I go through these verses. Honestly, you can read these words and not know them or understand them. Maybe even get offended by them. But when God’s Spirit is with you, He opens the door to what He really wants you to get from it. And really, if you aren’t ready for it, I don’t expect it to be easy reading. Again, I have read these verses plenty of times over my married life but have never gotten the full meaning. Now is the time for my own study, not just words of others and what they think.
Are you struggling today? Don’t forget to open His word. To pray. To seek Him. Bcause you will find Him if you seek Him with all your heart.
Be inspired today.