Have you ever thought how life was going to get back together after a big event?
I have high blood pressure and so have to take medicine. If I do too much I get very weak and need to stop and try to rest. There is so much to do and yet I feel I can only do small increments at a time.
My Mom had been helping the first two weeks but now I need this week to just be with my family and figure out what life will look like and really get back to just it being my husband and I. I found I was talking too much to my Mom and not enough to my husband.
I’ve also already made huge mistakes, mostly financial, after forgetting to ask my husband how much we really had and worrying about how I was going to go shopping when I can hardly go anywhere for long periods of time without getting tired. I tried to go to church on Sunday and my body was not ready for it. I was energetic in the morning and did a few things, but once I took a shower, I was done. I felt like I was going to pass out.
So, some things I have learned.
I need Jesus!
I know this is a given but every day the last 4 days or so I have been purposely reading through the book of Luke and “The Battle Plan of Prayer” to try to keep myself focused. I keep trying to think about God and who He is and, even now, am trying to surrender my life and my thoughts over to Him. Like how I worried about food and homeschool stuff. I am trying to surrender that into his hands. (Those were the two areas that I had messed up in, that messed up our financial status…yep…).
My baby is about 2 weeks tomorrow and I can’t push everything into place (another place of surrender). I have been wanting order but God is showing me it isn’t going to come about MY WAY, but His way. Which, in reality, is so much better. I am going to try to take each moment step by step and try not to get overwhelmed. I am going to surrender my time to God and pray that whatever He wants me to get accomplished will get accomplished. That He will help me clean up the mess I have made and that, somehow, my husband won’t kill me. (He won’t but it is another area I need to surrender).
That my family unit is very, very important…every part of it.
My husband and my kids, they need to be my priority. They make up a good majority of my life and I do need to pay attention to them, to treat them well, to train my kids. I feel like my priorities went off-kilter and I am going back to basics. Like a kick-start of some sort. Sometimes life’s crazy times make us do that, and for me, I need a rock bottom sometimes so I can start climbing up again. I want my husband and I to be on the same page and not going two separate ways. I want my kids to feel they can come talk to me about what is going on in their lives, and yet I want them to understand where God has placed me in their lives to help them become all that He wants and created them to be. I want family.
My pastor says this all the time and it is something I keep having to remind myself. It is not about me. It is about God and His glory and what He wants to do in and around me. Another place of surrender. I need to stop asking everyone to do what I want, but pray that we are doing what He wants.
I would share more, but Monkey is up and my body is getting pretty weak, so I need to rest again. But I wanted to share how much was going on and try to encourage you to persevere and seek God in your life. Know that He is with you and that you really are not alone!