“So I say to you: Ask and it will given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.” Luke 11:9-10
Bible study had been canceled. I didn’t get the memo, but I was glad to think that I could possibly get time to think. Maybe write on this blog. Maybe watch a movie. Without the kids, the responsibilities, and just the everyday life stuff. (And it may be wrong to some of you to take a step away from the mayhem, but every once in awhile, I need to or I get overloaded and shut down… And then I am no good to my family).
So I am sitting in the parking lot of the library and before I go in, I open my Bible to Luke 11 (That is where I am at since I decided to start reading the New Testament all the way through again). And the verse above stuck out to me. I don’t know why. Maybe because I felt that I am waiting for a door to open. Since summer has begun, and I officially said “enough” to last years school, I am trying to figure out what to do and I was just praying that God would open a door and show me what to do. With my 1 year old moving around like crazy, and my kids getting bored, I keep trying to figure out how to bring 5 kids out without going crazy myself, to have a good attitude, to not stress.
I want to bring them swimming, but 5 kids near a stream where only some of them can swim? I want to go someplace where there aren’t as many people, and yet wouldn’t that be safer? I keep wondering what is wrong with me. Why can’t I make up my mind?
And I keep going, what is my purpose right now, God?
I just found out my aunt is stage 3/4 cancer. She has been going through radiation and my Mom has been with her. I miss my Mom because she has been coming twice a week to be with the kids and I, but my heart goes out to my aunt, and I am so glad my Mom can be there for her. (She started radiation and will eventually be doing chemo. My prayers and heart go out to her.)
So I kind of lost one part of my ability to do things. The other part is a lot of my friends are busy, and so I haven’t seen anyone else. My husband has also been pretty busy and I just feel a bit spent.
What is my purpose right now, God?
So, it goes back to the priorities again, and have I followed through? Didn’t I talk about Revival in my last post? Did I already sway so far away from that? Or is it I am about to break through another layer again?
The song that pops in my head is:
Give us Clean hands, give us pure hearts, let us not lift our souls to another. (repeat)
Oh God Let us be, a generation that seeks. Seeks your face oh God of Jacob.
Your face, Lord, I will seek.
Because my purpose, my life, all that I am, is truly found in Him. So I will keep asking, knocking, and seeking the One who truly fills my life.
Don’t worry, I didn’t forget to post about homeschool! I am just waiting for my husband to okay us getting internet, which should be soon, and hopefully I can get out a weekly post instead of a monthly one and share what we are using this year for homeschooling, and how every time I get overwhelmed, God makes me step back and realize, He is leading it and I don’t have to be afraid! God Bless you and thank you so much for keeping up with me!